Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Heartbreak

I have been incredibly negligent of this blog for a very long time, thanks to my failing machines. My computer recently crashed and up until now I am a [computer] vegabond of sorts.. a nomad, a squatter.

I had a very profound lightbulb moment yesterday when I was talking to a heartbroken friend, so I figured that such a genius realization deserves a more proper publication than just a Facebook status update or a Tweet.

This friend, a young lady, has had the misfortune of experiencing her first serious heartbreak.

Whether their relationship was based on strong infatuation, puppy love, romantic or sexual attachment, dependency or merely a hormonal influx is not the topic of this blog post. I will not attempt to define love, the greatest of feelings... I mean, who can? what we call "true love" is very subjective. How we act on it is also very, very subjective.

Honestly, I say it really doesn't matter how any of us define it. When you feel you're inlove, you are inlove. Nobody can tell you you are too young or too old to be really inlove, nobody can tell you that true love isn't this or that, etc.

Does it even matter whether the person you are crying over is a complete loser or jerk/bitch?  Even if people tell you or even if you yourself know that he/she doesn't deserve your tears, a heartbreak is a heartbreak..

When your heartbreaks, love spills from the cracks and the pain can often feel unbearable.

Those of us who have experienced a serious break-up or break-ups are only too familiar with this feeling. I am saying serious because there are those silly break-ups with guys/girls we barely even know (or like, in some cases), so those don't count. I am referring to break-ups between people who are (or were) inlove with each other.

I myself have experienced about 6 heart wrenching break-ups in my 23 years, my first at the age of 16. Call me silly or whatever but with each of those guys, at some point in the relationship I honestly thought "This is it. He is the one". Some hurt more than others but each and every heartbreak felt like the end of world at some point, whether it be a few moments or a couple of months.

Of course, when we recover and move on, we realize that it was not the end of the world. When we have moved on, we realize that, contrary to what we thought, the pain isn't forever. This doesn't mean that that person was a mistake or we were just being silly or foolish. Love is real when you say it is real, even if it doesn't work out.

Some learn to hold back emotions to protect themselves from getting too attached. Some have the ability to slap themselves out of that "love misery" heartbreak brings. But, if you are like me who love with reckless abandon, when you experience yet another heartbreak, you are again gripped by that feeling that your whole world has come crashing down on you. You feel hurt, sad, lonely, desperate, betrayed, angry, pathetic, and a whole range of other emotions that it gets so overwhelming you can no longer think.

In many cases the battle between reason and emotion is causing such an internal struggle that the pain becomes physically palpable. At times, the "pain" feels like an ache, a hollow ache you can't quite point to, whether it is in your stomach or chest. Imagine that feeling you get when you miss a step going downstairs and prolong that, I reckon that's how the ache feels. The kind and and degree of pain may also vary but I am mostly referring to what I have experienced first hand.

How the pain is dealt with also varies for every person. Some regress into their shell and become an emotional wreck. Some choose to distract or numb themselves from the pain with whatever distraction they feel is more appropriate or effective.

So I guess what I'm saying is that it is wrong to tell a heartbroken person that he/she is being foolish or melodramatic. I am not saying that a heartbroken person has an excuse or justification to act like a train wreck, but I reckon we should allow that person a certain degree of understanding and some empathy.

A heartbroken person will need sound advice and guidance, especially if he/she is crying/pining over a worthless jerk/bitch. It will help him/her see sense and hopefully move on but it won't make the pain any less real.


There are bigger problems in the world, no doubt, but matters of the heart can oftentimes feel the worst.
 Unlike other situations wherein you know that you are not fully in control, heartbreaks often involve a lot of self-incrimination. It is the most emotionally tolling because your greatest nemesis is yourself.

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