Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Goodbye to my brother Chase, the consummate survivor.

I miss those great big cherub eyes, your disastrous fat tail and clumsy giant paws. I miss your enormous and heavy head on my lap, your horrible farts in the middle of the night, your loud-ass snoring, your James Earl Jones sounding bark, your impatient howling when its dinner time, your morning wake up sneeze on my face. I miss everything about you buddy.

Remember how I used to sing Puff the Magic Dragon to you? Well right now, I feel like I'm Puff and you're Jackie Paper.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Lembas Recipe

Today I tried my hand at making Lembas... you know, Elven Waybread. One cake can sustain a man for a full day's march!

I searched for Recipes online and I found that it varies so instead of following one, I decided to make my own.


Flour (I kept adding flour when it gets too sticky and just added more ingredients accordingly...)

Baking Powder (1 tsp. is to 1 cup of flour)

lemon extract (I added about 1 teaspoon.. just enough to give it a slight hint)

Honey (I don't know how much I poured in there, maybe about 5 Tbsp. per 1 1/2 cups flour don't put too much though as you don't want it to attract ants! remember that it needs to stay fresh for months!)

Butter (maybe less than a stick? just enough to bring all the ingredients together)

a pinch of salt

Water to bring ingredients together

  1. preheat oven to 220 celsius
  2. Mix flour, baking powder and salt
  3. chop butter in and knead.. Add water to bring eveything together. if it's all sticky just add a bit of flour
  4. add lemon extract and honey
  5. continue mixing ingredients together by kneading until its all homogenous.. keep adding flour when it gets all gooey and sticky
  6. When the dough is perfect (the dough should feel dry and not at all sticky despite the fact that its all stuck together)
  7. Separate into rectangular portions and lay on baking sheets. With a knife, draw an X on each piece
  8. bake for 10-15 minutes or until golden brown
  9. Cool and wrap in Mallorn leaves
Mallorn leaves I made using colored paper. I drew the veins using a green sharpie and shaded a bit with green crayon.
The result?

Buttery goodness with a hint of lemon and honey! yum!

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Bestiality in Harry Potter

This has bothered me for ages, ever since it was confirmed in the fourth book "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" that Rubeus Hagrid was indeed half-giant. I have tried to not be disgusted at this concept of human and non-human interbreeding for more than a decade now but reading the series for the Nth time, it is with great difficulty that I restrain my imagination from being too unpleasantly graphic.

I don't want to come across like Dolores Umbridge because I don't loath or even dislike, in the slightest bit, part humans. Please don't get the idea that I find part humans second class. A person's character should not, after all, be judged based on where he comes from but rather, to where he is going.

It's sort of the same as what Dumbly-dorr told Harry, that it's not really our abilities that show who we truly are but our choices.

They didn't choose to be spawns of bestiality, right? It's not really their fault is it, that their parents were too sexually "adventurous"?

So my concern is really the fornicators. Wtf, fornicators. Hahaha!

Call me close-minded or whatever but when you come to think of it, it is a very taboo sort of subject, no?

What do you reckon goes through the mind of a human having carnal knowledge of a Goblin? Is it love? Lust? Insanity?

Of course I don't think all human-magical creature/being interbreeding is detestable. There are some exceptions... One is Fleur Delacour who is part veela. She is descended from a veela,her grandmother being one ("an 'air from ze 'eed of a veela, one of my grandmuzzer's")and I don't reckon anyone would object to having sexual relations with a veela in their ridiculously gorgeous human form (they turn to bird-like creatures when angered)...

However, much as I want to be non-judgmental, I find the idea of interbreeding with other
creatures/ beings more than just a little appalling.

Giants and goblins for example, I mean, really? Would you have sex with Griphook or Grawp?


To make clear what I'm getting at, let us delve deeper into Hagrid's parentage....

The giants' massive size, in itself, a rather large (pun not intended) factor that would make sexual relations close to impossible. If by giant standard, Grawp was small at 16 feet and his feet were said to be as large as sledges, imagine their genital organs!!!

The giant male must have a penis that is two feet long and with a girth equal to car tires. Sweet bajeezus!! And in Hagrid's mum's case, her vagina must be, what? As big as a home satellite dish. Hagrid's dad would be one lover who won't have any problem finding her clitoris that's for sure.

Add to that their strangely misshapen appearance.

JK's version of Giants are not merely large sized human beings in appearance as evident in the description in the fifth book.

Grawp is described as strangely misshapen, with a large, almost perfectly round head that was disproportionate with his body and which resembled a great big mossy boulder owing to his very tight curls which are the color of bracken (a large coarse fern).

Grawp is also said to have little to no neck. How very attractive.

If we consider the fact that apples will never bear oranges, I don't reckon Hagrid's mum, Fridwulfa, looked anything like the the giantess in Ella Enchanted (Heidi Klum).

So our parents taught us not to judge by appearance alone, right? So as to save myself from sounding extremely superficial, let me consider their lifestyle.

Giants are described to be, for lack of a better word, savage.

Of course there might be some exceptions but I don't think living in the wild could make any giant clean per normal standards. And by normal I mean observing basic hygiene, like brushing their teeth or taking regular baths or showers. Imagine having sex with a "clean" bear.


I could go on and on but I'd rather not.

My imagination is running wild and it is not very pleasant. Urgh.

So to save myself from more unpleasant thoughts, I would rather not get into the subject of Flitwick's parentage... He is speculated to be half- goblin. Goblin!!!!!

And Parvati!! Flirting with Firenze? I know he is gorgeous and all but he still has the lower body of a horse.

Oh well... But to be fair..... I'd rather have sex with a gorgeous Centaur than those donkeys the girls in Mexico take up with.

At least Centaurs are intelligent beings....



But maybe ONLY if I absolutely have to. Like if my life depended on it.
But... still... The body of a horse? Hmmm....

What do you think?



Aberforth Dumbledore was said to have a strange fondness for goats, in fact, his favorite story was "Grumble the Grubby Goat" and his patronus took the form of a goat. Every time Aberforth was mentioned in any Harry Potter book, you could almost always be sure that a goat joke will follow. Such as the Hog's Head always smelled strongly of what might have been goats.

The most significant mention of Aberforth and his fondness for goat's was n the Goblet of Fire. Albus said his brother caused a minor scandal when he was prosecuted by the Wizengamot for using "inappropriate charms on a goat".

During an interview in Carnegie Hall, someone asked JKR what these "inappropriate charms were, JK buries her head amidst laughter from the press.

JKR: how old are you?


JKR: I think he was trying to make a goat that was easy to keep clean (laughter), curly horns. That's a joke that works on a couple of levels. I really like Aberforth and his goats. But you know Aberforth having this strange fondness for goats if you have read book 7, came in very useful for Harry, later on, because a goat, a stag, you know.  If you're a stupid Death Eater, What's the difference. So that's my answer to YOU.

I guess this is open to interpretation...

And might I add the possibility that Umbridge was gang-raped by a herd of centaurs? She appeared unscathed but she was in real shock after her trip to the forbidden forest. It was said that nobody really knew what happened to her after she was carried off but centaurs are notorious rapists based on mythology, and JK is someone who does know her mythology very well.

I have a very strong feeling that JK has this sick humor about bestiality. AH! Oh well... To each her own!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Foot binding and Kinky sex

I just finished reading Peony In Love by Lisa See and I found the story quite interesting. 

Well, first off, a little commentary. The story itself was quite enthralling that I finished the book in less than two days... with lots of job procrastination done on my part I might add. I did skip a few pages on the last two chapters because they were, I deemed, unnecessary to the overall essence of the story. 

The style was rather... hmm.. a little pretentious, with the conversations sounding out of place in her chosen era, which is to say, Ancient China. Anyway, not like you wanna hear about that. But let me just say that the writing style is not excellent, the story is interesting albeit some parts sounding a bit too familiar and repetitive. To sum it all up, the story and writing style was Cheesy. To give Lisa See justice, let us say her writing style is a few notches more sophisticated and much better researched than drugstore paperbacks. 

The reason why I'm blogging about this book in particular, and not the others I've read for the last month, is because of the Chinese traditions that I found rather interesting and quite honestly, a little, if not TOO appalling.

One of which is foot binding.

In Ancient China, bound foot was considered a mark of beauty and social status. I'm not getting deep into the history since you can find that in among other sites. In a nutshell, women with lotus feet as they were called, are women of the elite. Since their feet are bound, they cannot do any manual labor or anything much really so it means they must belong to the upper class because they need servants to help them with everything. A girl must have properly bound feet or else she will be considered neglected, of lower class, and therefore, would not sell for a good bride-price. Since girls in Ancient China are considered useless branches in the family tree, they were raised like cattle for sale. They must be properly educated in the fields of entertainment and art like embroidery and playing musical instruments to entertain for the largest part, their husbands. Another trait that they must posses is beauty. They must be beautiful so that they can be betrothed to a rich husband that will be able to pay a high price to bring her in to the family. Being beautiful included having tiny feet.

Look at the little baby feet!!! Aawww.... *gag*

A line from the book spoken by the lead character's mother, Lady Chen, to her Sister-in-Law upon seeing her niece's poorly bound foot:

"You must remember that a plain face is given by Heaven, but poorly bound feet are a sign of laziness, not only of the mother but of the daughter as well. What kind of message does this send to prospective in-laws? Girls should be as delicate as flowers. It is important that they walk elegantly. sway gracefully, and show respectability. In this way girls become precious gems."
So girls with properly bound feet had to have feet that measured ideally around 3-3 1/2 inches from heel to toe. It mentioned in the above quote that they swayed gracefully when they walked these lotus feet women, Lily Gait they called it.

Well WTF, if you had feet the size of an infant's who wouldn't sway while walking? you would be extremely unbalanced.  But men found this really graceful and attractive. Probably caused an erection on these horny sons of... well you know what.

Now you can go to Wikipedia on the link above and cringe as you read the process of how foot is bound. To give you a little excerpt, feet is bound when the girl's feet measure around that ideal length, which is to say around age four. The toes and arch were broken so that they can be pressed tightly towards the heel and wrapped tightly with bandages. If you are like me, you would try to make your toes reach your heel and know that it really, really effing hurts. and I can do no more than just make my feet appear like their pointing. haha

So the toes and arch were broken making gangrene the most common infection on lotus feet women. Toenails, although great care was taken to keep them really short, will tend to cause additional infection because they would often in-grow. So sometimes, toenails were removed altogether. YEAHAY! and since the feet were bound so tightly making circulation poor to non-existent, these injuries never healed so the toes would rot and sometimes fall off. But this was a good thing! no toes means smaller feet! sick-o.

And since falling toes were good, if you are a girl who was unfortunate enough to have fleshy toes, infection was deliberately introduced so that your big, fat ugly toes would fall off. How did they do this? Simple, before they bind the feet with the bandages, they'd insert pieces of broken glass or shards of tiles in the toes so that infection will fester cause the toes to rot and fall off. Ingenious.

So after binding, after the excruciating pain they'd let the little girl endure, she wasn't allowed to just lay there and cry her eyes out or scream with hysterical pain. No, that'll be too kind. The little girl was made to stand up and walk so that it'll encourage her bones to break even further.

After the initial process of feet binding which could take two years usually, you've got a perfectly formed lotus feet.                                                                  

In the succeeding years, if you are of the extremely rich, your binding would be removed once a day for your feet to be soaked and cleaned and toenails trimmed.

The cleaning process was quite meticulous involving soaking the feet in warm water infused with pomelo leaves, trimming the toenails, the calluses cut away, fragments of bone that stuck out sanded down, smooth away rough spots, feet beaten repeatedly to keep the bones broken and flexible and sprinkling alum in-between toes (if there are any) so that it'll not be infected with fungus and be all stinky and smelly.

According to the book and from what I've learned after my research, these lotus feet were considered extremely erotic. So erotic that there are 48 ways to play with a woman's bound feet during sex, or as what they called it then clouds and rain. These sex instructions are actually listed in the Qing Dynasty sex manuals and my online research failed to lead me to a copy of the pornographic illustrations of these erotic manuals. Tsk... too bad as I was most curious. But I did come across a paragraph from Jim's Asian Studies:

"It was believed that the way foot binding made a woman walk strengthened the vagina and made it more narrow. The girls' buttocks and 'jade gate' were believed to develop to such a degree that she could grip her husbands 'jade spear' more tightly. . . There was also a large number of pornographic paintings and engravings with scenes of men fondling women's feet. It's no wonder that men were so adamant about their wives having bound feet."

 Yes, let us all make our clown feet smaller as to strengthen our vaginal muscles. I think not! thank god we have Kegel exercises today!

But really, Chinese men must be so very kinky! From what I have so far deduced, they play with bound feet by fondling it with their thing or using it to caress their nipples. OH THE HORROR!!!!

Modern interest on the allure of bound feet lead to the production of a soft-porn films by director Li Han-Hsiang. One of which is Golden Lotus. One scene included the male suspending the lotus feet from the grape arbor overhead so the woman looked like a "Golden Dragon Extending its Claws". he then proceeded to have intercourse with her and afterward, throw jade yellow plums at her vajayjay for some kinky fun. When he gets tired of pitching plums at her vadge, he falls asleep. Upon waking up, he takes a yellow plum from he vadge and feeds it to her as an aphrodisiac and proceeds to having sex with her again. How delightful. Oh by the way, just an interesting fact, Jackie Chan plays a bit role here as a pear vendor.

Also in the book Peony in Love, there was a suggestion on one of the ways men used bound feet. This is the doctor talking to the male lead inquiring him why his wife was not yet pregnant even after two years of living as husband and wife.
"Have you been giving her your vital essence? A woman must take this internally to maintain good health. you cannot just spend it between the scented softness of her bound feet"
Unless I am much mistaken, do men of their day jack off with their salamis in between the arches of the bound foot?

The idea is seriously very repulsive. 

So if anybody out there do have the copy of the Qing Dynasty Sex Manual, I'd very much appreciate having a look in it to quench my curiosity. Really, won't anybody be just as curious? 

It is quite disgusting yes, and I marvel at how different our ideas of what is sexy just because we were born in different eras and cultures. Thankfully, feet binding is now prohibited so Chinese girls need not worry about having to experience this kind of Pain for Beauty experience.

But what is even more disgusting and repulsive is the reason behind this practice. It is a prison built to keep women subversive and mere commodities. Playthings of men. I found this site where lotus feet women narrate about their lives as a lotus feet. It's not only Ancient China who has this oppressive attitude towards women. It's like every culture in the past deemed women worthless. SO SICK.

Anyway, on a last note, I leave you with more pictures of bound feet. For your sexual satisfaction.

Monday, May 9, 2011

When recycling goes too far

I was talking to my partner about what Filos call “kanin baboy” a Filipino term that doesn’t have a direct English Translation because I am assuming that first world countries do not feed pigs such nasty food. Oh wait, I think its pig slop. Kanin Baboy is fed to homegrown pigs. It is a mixture of leftovers that a local pig owner collects from house to house. These are not your usual leftovers, in fact, some may even be so spoiled that they are breeding with maggots. FUCKING GROSS. You usually see these home-bred pigs in slums or in provincial areas. I don’t know if eating such disgusting rotting spoiled food negatively affects pigs but it does sound really gross. So I asked him:
“If pigs eat leftovers, does that mean it eats pork as well? that’s fucking silence of the pigs…”

He said they do so I was thinking maybe it would have adverse effects like diseases or something. I couldn’t find any information on the net, what I did learn was something way grosser than kanin baboy…
Goa is a state in India popular for its coastal areas. The beaches, churches and temples are what attracts local tourists in the summer and hordes of foreign tourists in the winter. Goa has lots Portuguese influence thanks to 450 years of colonization so its different from the rest of India, architecturally as well as culturally, which is mostly British inspired.

Other than the amazing coastal attraction, Goan food is also famous for its elaborate fish recipes. The staple of Goa is Fish Curry. But when it comes to special occasions, Goans roll out a feast of Vindaloo, Xacuti and Sorpotel, dishes made from pork.
Another food essential is the spicy Goan sausages. These spice-rich Portuguese inspired sausages  can keep for 8 months and a must-have in every Goan pantry, a perfect last minute special ingredient that is added to dishes for unexpected special meals, like when unexpected company arrives.

According to those who have tasted Goan sausages, they are bursting with flavor and has a little tang.

I am big foodie and I have always considered myself to be not squeamish at all. I eat really strange foods like insects, worms, internal organs, etc. Weird even for a Filipino (we are known to eat really exotic animals and even animal parts) with the exception of domesticated pets, because, what the hell, I have three Labrador Retrievers and they are family.
The reason I’m talking about such is because of the way Goan’s feed their pigs. Here is an
excerpt from Wikipedia: 
A pig toilet is a simple type of toilet consisting of an outhouse mounted over a pig sty with a chute or hole connecting the two.The pigs consume the faeces of the users of the toilet. They are mainly found in the Indian state of Goa, and are waning in popularity.The subsequent use of the pigs for food carries a significant risk for human health

Gross? Now here’s a photo.

Some tourists who have tried relieving themselves in these highly ingenius toilet confess how uncomfortable it is to do your on private business whilst feeling the eager pigs hot breath on your behind. Some of them did not have the slightest idea that their excrement will serve as a hot meal for the pigs. As they head to the toilet, they see these swines just below the room and did not think twice of their purpose there as pigs roaming free or housed in the most unusual places are not uncommon in India. As they approach the entrance, the pigs would start to get excited. Inside the room is a long stick near the squatting area.

(mental picture of a dude squatting for a shit and a pig’s snout excitedly awaiting for a fresh turd to drop. LOL)

Now you may wonder what the stick is for. Apparently, the pig/s get so excited for their juicy meal that they do have the tendency to attack. Don’t be too kind and be such an animal lover if this does happen because these pigs are vicious. Really dangerous, there was an incident that a German tourist who refused to slap the pig’s snout with the stick was rushed to the hospital because the hungry pig attacked and took a chunk from his behind…. EEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew.

How in hell can you take a dump if you can hear the excited snorts behind you and feel the hot panting breath on your ass AND KNOW that there is an excited animal ready to grab a bite from your ass with its 44 teeth at anytime??? tell me because I cannot fully wrap my head around this! And if you have taken a dump in these things, they say that it is not uncommon to have fat, healthy turd drop and settle on the pig’s snout! *squirming in disgust*

And okay, given that you have already taken a dump, how can some people eat these pork dishes knowing that the animal you they are eating was fed a diet of various people’s dirty, nasty, stinking SHIT??? Call me culturally ignorant or culturally discriminating but this form of recycling is too extreme for me.

And what happens to the pig’s shit? he has to shit sometime too, right? I asked my partner.
“It probably eats it too… defeats the purpose if it doesn’t.”
My stomach is in knots. This is really just too much. And get this, “pig toilet’s” meat are priced above any other meat. Some tourists were highly put off having fed a feast of pork and taking a dump and learning about this really extreme Goan tradition and that they were served these “shit eating pigs”.


It is said that this Goan tradition is dying out in most parts of Goa but still kinda popular in Arambol ( a place in Goa). I’d like to say its a good thing because, honestly, I find it really gross despite being an exotic foodie and a true advocate of environment preservation.

If ever I set foot in Goa, I’m not touching any pork. According to one chef who went to Goa to learn and start making the prized Goan Sausages
“Together we went around looking for farm breed pigs instead of the local ones, and did find a few but were put off as there were no enforceable systems to safe guard the public, and here I’m talking of the tourist as locals are used to eating these foods and don’t get ill. “
I don’t know how accurate this information is but feel free to educate me. I’d love to hear that there is a regulation on the meat quality and cleanliness like a Bureau of Food and Drug or a Health department. There are Goan Sausages that are made in UK.. maybe I’ll try those, but with a  cringe on my face because I cannot get the idea of what real Goan Sausages are made from.

*shudders again*

I found this video on youtube. It is about this BBC journalist shitting in one of the pig toilets… ENJOY! Please leave your comments.

Goan Pig Toilet-actual video