Saturday, October 1, 2011

Bestiality in Harry Potter

This has bothered me for ages, ever since it was confirmed in the fourth book "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" that Rubeus Hagrid was indeed half-giant. I have tried to not be disgusted at this concept of human and non-human interbreeding for more than a decade now but reading the series for the Nth time, it is with great difficulty that I restrain my imagination from being too unpleasantly graphic.

I don't want to come across like Dolores Umbridge because I don't loath or even dislike, in the slightest bit, part humans. Please don't get the idea that I find part humans second class. A person's character should not, after all, be judged based on where he comes from but rather, to where he is going.

It's sort of the same as what Dumbly-dorr told Harry, that it's not really our abilities that show who we truly are but our choices.

They didn't choose to be spawns of bestiality, right? It's not really their fault is it, that their parents were too sexually "adventurous"?

So my concern is really the fornicators. Wtf, fornicators. Hahaha!

Call me close-minded or whatever but when you come to think of it, it is a very taboo sort of subject, no?

What do you reckon goes through the mind of a human having carnal knowledge of a Goblin? Is it love? Lust? Insanity?

Of course I don't think all human-magical creature/being interbreeding is detestable. There are some exceptions... One is Fleur Delacour who is part veela. She is descended from a veela,her grandmother being one ("an 'air from ze 'eed of a veela, one of my grandmuzzer's")and I don't reckon anyone would object to having sexual relations with a veela in their ridiculously gorgeous human form (they turn to bird-like creatures when angered)...

However, much as I want to be non-judgmental, I find the idea of interbreeding with other
creatures/ beings more than just a little appalling.

Giants and goblins for example, I mean, really? Would you have sex with Griphook or Grawp?

Ugh.

To make clear what I'm getting at, let us delve deeper into Hagrid's parentage....

The giants' massive size, in itself, a rather large (pun not intended) factor that would make sexual relations close to impossible. If by giant standard, Grawp was small at 16 feet and his feet were said to be as large as sledges, imagine their genital organs!!!

The giant male must have a penis that is two feet long and with a girth equal to car tires. Sweet bajeezus!! And in Hagrid's mum's case, her vagina must be, what? As big as a home satellite dish. Hagrid's dad would be one lover who won't have any problem finding her clitoris that's for sure.

Add to that their strangely misshapen appearance.

JK's version of Giants are not merely large sized human beings in appearance as evident in the description in the fifth book.

Grawp is described as strangely misshapen, with a large, almost perfectly round head that was disproportionate with his body and which resembled a great big mossy boulder owing to his very tight curls which are the color of bracken (a large coarse fern).

Grawp is also said to have little to no neck. How very attractive.

If we consider the fact that apples will never bear oranges, I don't reckon Hagrid's mum, Fridwulfa, looked anything like the the giantess in Ella Enchanted (Heidi Klum).

So our parents taught us not to judge by appearance alone, right? So as to save myself from sounding extremely superficial, let me consider their lifestyle.

Giants are described to be, for lack of a better word, savage.

Of course there might be some exceptions but I don't think living in the wild could make any giant clean per normal standards. And by normal I mean observing basic hygiene, like brushing their teeth or taking regular baths or showers. Imagine having sex with a "clean" bear.

Urgh!

I could go on and on but I'd rather not.

My imagination is running wild and it is not very pleasant. Urgh.

So to save myself from more unpleasant thoughts, I would rather not get into the subject of Flitwick's parentage... He is speculated to be half- goblin. Goblin!!!!!

And Parvati!! Flirting with Firenze? I know he is gorgeous and all but he still has the lower body of a horse.

Oh well... But to be fair..... I'd rather have sex with a gorgeous Centaur than those donkeys the girls in Mexico take up with.

At least Centaurs are intelligent beings....

Right?

Hmmm.....

But maybe ONLY if I absolutely have to. Like if my life depended on it.
.
.
.
.
.
But... still... The body of a horse? Hmmm....


What do you think?



Nah!!

Update!!!!

Aberforth Dumbledore was said to have a strange fondness for goats, in fact, his favorite story was "Grumble the Grubby Goat" and his patronus took the form of a goat. Every time Aberforth was mentioned in any Harry Potter book, you could almost always be sure that a goat joke will follow. Such as the Hog's Head always smelled strongly of what might have been goats.

The most significant mention of Aberforth and his fondness for goat's was n the Goblet of Fire. Albus said his brother caused a minor scandal when he was prosecuted by the Wizengamot for using "inappropriate charms on a goat".

During an interview in Carnegie Hall, someone asked JKR what these "inappropriate charms were, JK buries her head amidst laughter from the press.

JKR: how old are you?

Eight.

JKR: I think he was trying to make a goat that was easy to keep clean (laughter), curly horns. That's a joke that works on a couple of levels. I really like Aberforth and his goats. But you know Aberforth having this strange fondness for goats if you have read book 7, came in very useful for Harry, later on, because a goat, a stag, you know.  If you're a stupid Death Eater, What's the difference. So that's my answer to YOU.

I guess this is open to interpretation...

And might I add the possibility that Umbridge was gang-raped by a herd of centaurs? She appeared unscathed but she was in real shock after her trip to the forbidden forest. It was said that nobody really knew what happened to her after she was carried off but centaurs are notorious rapists based on mythology, and JK is someone who does know her mythology very well.

I have a very strong feeling that JK has this sick humor about bestiality. AH! Oh well... To each her own!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Korn Live in Manila Experience


My Korn roots before I talk about my Korn Live in Manila experience....

I was 9 years old when my cousin introduced me to Korn. I instantly fell in love with their music and most especially with their frontman Jonathan Davis. I was so inlove with him that it was safe to say I was obsessed.
Everyday, I listened to their songs on casette tape (I didn’t own a CD player until 1998), graffitied KoRn on just about everything I owned (or even things I didn’t own) and even took to writing HIV on my notebooks (which concerned my parents). I dressed a pillow in a red shirt with Korn written on it with a black marker and I used to wheel it around in a computer chair pretending it was Jonathan Davis. Also you will oftentimes see me wearing my navy blue Adidas sweat pants and matching Adidas shirt. Being really young at 9, I wasn’t sure if I wanted Jonathan Davis or I wanted to be him.
I admit I wasn't  the most faithful fan. I kinda stopped following Korn (as in I wasn't keeping myself updated on their endeavors anymore) after Follow the Leader (which I didn’t like as much as the first two), deeming “Issues” mediocre at best. 
All the same, I still had a special place on my playlist for their first three albums and most especially for my first love, Jonathan Houseman Davis. So when I learned that I will have a chance to see Korn Live in Manila I was super ecstatic! I will not miss this for the world!
The tickets for the best seats were expensive at 4,700 pesos, that was more than half of my monthly rent. We could only afford the tickets for upper box C which was around 1,500 but it doesn’t matter. I will be seeing Korn Live in Manila 14 years after I fell in love with them. FUCK YEAH!!
So how was it?


Jani, Hello Kitty (myself) and my cousin Dasya. Notice the empty seats! That's because Korn's concert was not properly promoted! A band this big deserved more press!! WTF Ovation! you suck!

My tweets while I anxiously waited for Korn and one tweet just when they were playing Blind.. which we couldn't hear properly.

It was beyond FUCKING AWESOME. I didn’t expect that Jonathan Davis would still have that magnetic effect on me. Now that I am 23 years old, I realize that I don’t want to BE him.. I WANT HIM. BAD. At 40 years old, he is so ridiculously SEXY, sexier than men half his age. Jonathan Davis is a SEX GOD. his voice, the way he moves, that man is a walking obscenity, not in a gross way, but in a SEXY way. Major GROUPIE MODE!!!!

That's the view from where we stood. Credit goes to Dasya as I was too busy acting like a complete baboon  to take photos. I was beyond insane!! Jonathan I'll have your fourth baby!! Fucking sexy beast! his voice was making love to me all the way to the upper box!

the view that I wanted. Credit goes to the Korn official website.  This is a n actual photo from  the Manila Concert. Lucky fuck who ever took this photo. ARGH!

What was disappointing was the overall turnout owing to how the "Korn Live in Manila" was produced.
Who opened for them? Slap FUCKING suck. I mean Slapshock.
What is the English term for Jologs? Baduy? post a comment if you know. SLAPSHOCK JOLOGS. Tae ng agent orange get up get up.
Dickies, headband, basketball jersey. ANOOO BAAA!! SLAPSHOCK’s very image screamed: RAKELITO. rakista ako. rak en roll. rakistang totoo.
GAGO Jologs nyo!!
WTF Slapshock. It was hilarious. The opening took forever! I think they played about 7 or 8 songs. Seriously. Not Kidding. I was almost in tears while shouting:
“TANGINAAAAAAAAAA!!! tama na!! I want Korn!!!”
After Slapsuck played probably their whole album, DJ Jeezass took the stage. That’s not really his name, he just looked like a goofy, rebonded version of our Lord and Saviour. Oh my God I love DJ Jeezass!! talk about a one man show!! hahaha


DJ Jeezas entertaining the crowd while fucking Ovation fixed dealt with technical shit.

So we guessed there were tech issues hence the delay. Everytime a roadie walked on stage we’d scream our hearts out (or maybe it was just me), everytime they turned off the lights I felt like I’d pee my pants. Korn came on stage at around past 9 I guess and the scheduled start was 8pm.
I was so anticipating Jon’s “AAAAAAAAAAAARE YOU REEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAADY??”
but the sounds weren’t as good where we were so we didn’t really hear him say those words. They didn’t even turn off the lights before Korn walked on stage to build up tension. Overall, they didn’t enter with a BANG like I anticipated they would.

The big display in the middle wasn’t even turned on and Jon’s mic sounded deaf to my ears. If I wasn’t such a big Korn fanatic, I would have hated every moment of it, but their presence on stage distracted me from all the technical fuck-ups.
They didn’t interact much with audience (disappointed me a bit) and I wished they played more from Korn (1994) and Life is Peachy... but STILL! they were so super awesome. I can’t believe how good they sounded Live. FUCK!!! 
They didn’t jump around together like they used to when they were younger but

their energy, especially for their age, was remarkable. And did I say how FUCKING SEXY JONATHAN DAVIS WAS?
Oh my god! I want to crawl up his kilt!!!
another thing that really bugged me were the people in front, the lucky bastards in the moshpit. They were so lame!! I mean they didn’t appear to be all that pumped to be there, so close to the Nu-metal gods. They just stood there with their cameras or camera phones taking videos. I mean, WTF??? I get that you want to record this moment but they looked absolutely bored from where I stood. I was so jealous and I just wanted to dive from the upper box into the moshpit! I mean we (my cousin, her friend and myself) were jumping up and down non-stop, singing along, pumping our fists and basically out of our heads ecstatic to be seeing Korn Live
.
How sad that the moshpit was half empty. And the few lucky people who were there looked like they were watching the opera. Seriously!! lamest crowd ever! SO JEALOUS!!! I wish I could afford patron tickets! I could have infected that boring crowd with my over the top energy.

The Arena was so bare too and most of the audience were packed in the general admissions. Ovation productions should have done something about this, I mean, how would it look to Korn to see a half-empty Arena?? What an insult and I felt embarrassed! I don’t want them to think Filipinos don’t love them!!
But the sad truth is (in my opinion!), Ovation Productions didn’t put much effort in accommodating as well as advertising the pioneer of Nu-Metal, one of the greatest bands to walk the Earth because they were busy with other upcoming (more profitable) concerts.
Imagine! they didn't advertise Korn's upcoming concert until late June! HELLO!! we are not a first world country, people here need time to save up for stuff like this! 4,700 is not a joke! If they could have advertised this concert maybe as much as they advertise American Fucking Idol the place won’t be half empty.
Plus the tech could have done a way better job!
Palbhasa busy sa tanginang American Idol na yan.
Ovation Productions sana mabasa nyo to! FYI! hindi lang basta banda ang Korn! kakainsulto yung preparation na ginawa nyo!
I want to weep in behalf of the Korn fans who felt that one of the greatest artists in the world were given such a crappy welcome. They may not be the most popular band today but they are Icons dammit! I don’t know this to be true, but from where Korn stood, we must have been the lamest audience.:(
I screamed my head off in hopes that they would hear me, for them to know how much I love them. I jumped as high as I could and shouted the words to their songs hoping upon hope that they would feel their fans’ love. 
Sorry Korn. :(
I love you guys! Including of course original members, Head and David. Please don’t hate the Philippines. :(

I hope Korn comes back despite the shitty Korn Live in Manila turn-out. But this time, it should be produced by those who actually LOVE the Band! and no boring people allowed.

Follow up: 

Okay so I was searching for #korn and @korn tags on Twitter when I saw @jmaping's tweet!
"#Munky signing my #TakeALookInTheMirror CD! @Korn meet and greet! pic.twitter.com/WkWFK2H"



A meet and greet???? OH MY GOD!!! I seriously cried when I learned that 5 lucky fans were given the chance to meet Korn, face to face!!! How was this not promoted?? I subscribe to Korn's official website and I do receive emails from them in my inbox and not my junk but I never received an announcement for this!

After googling it, I learned that a local record store (odysseylive.net) was responsible for this meet and greet! And they announced it via their Facebook fan page! I mean come on!!! Who keeps tabs on a record store's fanpage? WHO???

Had they announced it via Twitter I could have at least had a shot! (which wasn't hard apparently coz I saw their announcement a couple hours after the initial announcement that there were still 3 slots, and to think they were only giving away 5!!!) I have been searching #korn and @korn tags on Twitter every few hours EVERYDAY for the past month now and I read through everything so I know I could have been one of those lucky fucks! Damn! a meet and greet!!!

FML!!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Heartbreak

I have been incredibly negligent of this blog for a very long time, thanks to my failing machines. My computer recently crashed and up until now I am a [computer] vegabond of sorts.. a nomad, a squatter.

I had a very profound lightbulb moment yesterday when I was talking to a heartbroken friend, so I figured that such a genius realization deserves a more proper publication than just a Facebook status update or a Tweet.

This friend, a young lady, has had the misfortune of experiencing her first serious heartbreak.

Whether their relationship was based on strong infatuation, puppy love, romantic or sexual attachment, dependency or merely a hormonal influx is not the topic of this blog post. I will not attempt to define love, the greatest of feelings... I mean, who can? what we call "true love" is very subjective. How we act on it is also very, very subjective.

Honestly, I say it really doesn't matter how any of us define it. When you feel you're inlove, you are inlove. Nobody can tell you you are too young or too old to be really inlove, nobody can tell you that true love isn't this or that, etc.

Does it even matter whether the person you are crying over is a complete loser or jerk/bitch?  Even if people tell you or even if you yourself know that he/she doesn't deserve your tears, a heartbreak is a heartbreak..

When your heartbreaks, love spills from the cracks and the pain can often feel unbearable.

Those of us who have experienced a serious break-up or break-ups are only too familiar with this feeling. I am saying serious because there are those silly break-ups with guys/girls we barely even know (or like, in some cases), so those don't count. I am referring to break-ups between people who are (or were) inlove with each other.

I myself have experienced about 6 heart wrenching break-ups in my 23 years, my first at the age of 16. Call me silly or whatever but with each of those guys, at some point in the relationship I honestly thought "This is it. He is the one". Some hurt more than others but each and every heartbreak felt like the end of world at some point, whether it be a few moments or a couple of months.

Of course, when we recover and move on, we realize that it was not the end of the world. When we have moved on, we realize that, contrary to what we thought, the pain isn't forever. This doesn't mean that that person was a mistake or we were just being silly or foolish. Love is real when you say it is real, even if it doesn't work out.

Some learn to hold back emotions to protect themselves from getting too attached. Some have the ability to slap themselves out of that "love misery" heartbreak brings. But, if you are like me who love with reckless abandon, when you experience yet another heartbreak, you are again gripped by that feeling that your whole world has come crashing down on you. You feel hurt, sad, lonely, desperate, betrayed, angry, pathetic, and a whole range of other emotions that it gets so overwhelming you can no longer think.

In many cases the battle between reason and emotion is causing such an internal struggle that the pain becomes physically palpable. At times, the "pain" feels like an ache, a hollow ache you can't quite point to, whether it is in your stomach or chest. Imagine that feeling you get when you miss a step going downstairs and prolong that, I reckon that's how the ache feels. The kind and and degree of pain may also vary but I am mostly referring to what I have experienced first hand.

How the pain is dealt with also varies for every person. Some regress into their shell and become an emotional wreck. Some choose to distract or numb themselves from the pain with whatever distraction they feel is more appropriate or effective.

So I guess what I'm saying is that it is wrong to tell a heartbroken person that he/she is being foolish or melodramatic. I am not saying that a heartbroken person has an excuse or justification to act like a train wreck, but I reckon we should allow that person a certain degree of understanding and some empathy.

A heartbroken person will need sound advice and guidance, especially if he/she is crying/pining over a worthless jerk/bitch. It will help him/her see sense and hopefully move on but it won't make the pain any less real.


There are bigger problems in the world, no doubt, but matters of the heart can oftentimes feel the worst.
 Unlike other situations wherein you know that you are not fully in control, heartbreaks often involve a lot of self-incrimination. It is the most emotionally tolling because your greatest nemesis is yourself.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Starbucks Coffee: I could sue but I choose not to.

I' m now in Starbucks Eastwood Avenue and I literally have a grimace on my face. I am not a finicky person and I do not mind gross things, my belief is, "if it's not gonna kill you stop being such a barbie girl about it".

I don't mind picking up my dog's shit and don't mind getting it on my hands, I clean maggots from garbage cans with spoiled food, crushing dog ticks under my finger nails or even prying dead animals (like frogs or rats) from my dogs' mouth if they happen to pick one up during our walks. i mean, that's why soaps and alcohol were invented, right?

But today, I felt like crying just because of a fly. a godamn fly. Here I was in Starbucks Eastwood, having a hot white mocha, researching and typing away happily while sipping contentedly from my paper cup tumbler with the little sippy cup lid on it.

I took the last sip of my Starbucks white mocha and I felt this small solid thing touch my tongue. In a flash, I wondered what it could be as it is most unusual to have a small solid thingy in my coffee... so thanks to my better judgement, i fished it off my tongue and set it on a paper napkin instead of crushing it on my tongue. I thought at first:

"what is this withered brocolli leaf thingy doing in my drink? (it was about the size of a small pellet)"

But on closer inspection, I saw that it wasn't green at all but black (Starbucks has yellow lights) and with WINGS!!! WHAT THE FFFFFFFFF!!!!

A fly! in my drink!!!? has it been here the whole time? have i been drinking coffee while a fly, who has been on dogshit and all sorts of garbage, has been soaking it???? WHAT THE!!! SON OF BITCH!!!

all these thoughts ran through my brain in like a millisecond but I wasn't mad at all. I felt like crying. I didn't want to make a scene or even be all snotty to these Baristas who are always so nice to me and I know that they do follow a sanitary practice because my boyfriend's cousin is a Starbucks Barista. Plus I've been coming here since they opened this particular branch and, I dunno, FURRRK!! they are always so nice to me! It can't be intentional negligence from a sloppy barista because these guys, they are serious about their jobs and stuff. I just KNOW IT!!

I mean, what is to be gained if I sue? Money? for what? for a fly jacuzzi-ing in my drink? why? will that fly kill me? I think not! I have a pretty hardcore stomach and immune system so I know I'll be good.

So with a seriously contained facial grimace and tightened jaw, I went to the counter and spoke in hushed tones so the other customers won't hear what happened. i showed them the fly and they were ever so nice to me. They offered me anything I want and the manager spoke to and she didn't make excuses. She even said that it was probably because they opened the window earlier in the day since the AC was broken (no wonder it was so warm, I thought they turned up the heat coz it was raining).

I loved it that she didn't make excuses or try to make it seem like they were not at fault at all... anywho. Don't want to get into the details. She was just so genuine and stuff. they offered me like all sorts of stuff but I declined, i mean, I don't deserve to get their things just because I had the unfortunate experience.

I just told her that they are lucky it was me and not some other customer who would have bleed them dry. They should be absolutely careful next time or else they won't be getting off this easy! they need to get their AC fixed and all that to avoid these sort of incidents because there could absolutely be no next time! Lucky for them, unlucky for me!

Oh well.... at least i could say I have had fly. It doesn't taste like anything. but it's something I wouldn;t wanna do again if I can help it.

Update:
Today is August 13, 2011 and I haven't had Starbucks Coffee ever since this post. I So I guess I am a tiny bit squeamish even if I don't want to admit it.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Money for Food

I was watching Jule and Julia for the Nth time today and for the nth time, I can't help but identify with both the characters. I am in a phase right now where I am so lost and I've been starting to question my purpose in life. Yes I am young, by Filipino standards. I am, after all, only 23. I actually started living independently earlier than most Filipinos, I moved out at 21, right after college graduation, that's something I kinda pride myself in. But now, I'm lost. Like in Julie and Julia, I don't want to waste my twenties and start living the life I love at 30... I want to be an adult now and feel like I'm actually doing something worthwhile.

I quit my job working at a call center even though I was really good at it and it looked to be a promising career. It just wasn't for me, I wasn't happy. I hate the environment and deemed the people too materialistic and there is just too much politics going on it was seriously negating my creativity. So i quit my job and decided to pursue my passion and become a writer, an artist of words. I cannot deny that I love doing this way more than taking calls from crappy customers or teaching defensive agents proper soft skills, but ever since I started writing for money, the excitement has sort of sapped out. Maybe I'm just too romantic for this era and this economy.

Now speaking of money, even though I really hate thinking about it, I really can't help it. I want to travel the world, and unless I land myself a job like Andrew Zimmern's or Anthony Bourdain's I can't do it without money. It really sucks having to think about the bills and stupid stuff like that. But unless I start making more money soon I won't be able to travel the world or worry about other things other than money for food. Won't it be nice to worry about things that really matter like doing something more to save the environment and the animals or ending world hunger?


I need to get out of the Philippines, I have no future here career-wise or financially. i want to live in Aussie or any English speaking first world country that will give me the opportunities that I don't have here. I love my country, I do, but it's just a dead end.

If I can't find means to get myself a US or Aussie working Visa I might just go ahead and bite the dust and be a CSR in Singapore, i can still continue freelancing so that'll keep my sanity. *sigh*

 Will any body help me get out of here?

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Foot binding and Kinky sex

I just finished reading Peony In Love by Lisa See and I found the story quite interesting. 

Well, first off, a little commentary. The story itself was quite enthralling that I finished the book in less than two days... with lots of job procrastination done on my part I might add. I did skip a few pages on the last two chapters because they were, I deemed, unnecessary to the overall essence of the story. 

The style was rather... hmm.. a little pretentious, with the conversations sounding out of place in her chosen era, which is to say, Ancient China. Anyway, not like you wanna hear about that. But let me just say that the writing style is not excellent, the story is interesting albeit some parts sounding a bit too familiar and repetitive. To sum it all up, the story and writing style was Cheesy. To give Lisa See justice, let us say her writing style is a few notches more sophisticated and much better researched than drugstore paperbacks. 

The reason why I'm blogging about this book in particular, and not the others I've read for the last month, is because of the Chinese traditions that I found rather interesting and quite honestly, a little, if not TOO appalling.

One of which is foot binding.

In Ancient China, bound foot was considered a mark of beauty and social status. I'm not getting deep into the history since you can find that in Wikipedia.org among other sites. In a nutshell, women with lotus feet as they were called, are women of the elite. Since their feet are bound, they cannot do any manual labor or anything much really so it means they must belong to the upper class because they need servants to help them with everything. A girl must have properly bound feet or else she will be considered neglected, of lower class, and therefore, would not sell for a good bride-price. Since girls in Ancient China are considered useless branches in the family tree, they were raised like cattle for sale. They must be properly educated in the fields of entertainment and art like embroidery and playing musical instruments to entertain for the largest part, their husbands. Another trait that they must posses is beauty. They must be beautiful so that they can be betrothed to a rich husband that will be able to pay a high price to bring her in to the family. Being beautiful included having tiny feet.

Look at the little baby feet!!! Aawww.... *gag*


A line from the book spoken by the lead character's mother, Lady Chen, to her Sister-in-Law upon seeing her niece's poorly bound foot:

"You must remember that a plain face is given by Heaven, but poorly bound feet are a sign of laziness, not only of the mother but of the daughter as well. What kind of message does this send to prospective in-laws? Girls should be as delicate as flowers. It is important that they walk elegantly. sway gracefully, and show respectability. In this way girls become precious gems."
So girls with properly bound feet had to have feet that measured ideally around 3-3 1/2 inches from heel to toe. It mentioned in the above quote that they swayed gracefully when they walked these lotus feet women, Lily Gait they called it.

Well WTF, if you had feet the size of an infant's who wouldn't sway while walking? you would be extremely unbalanced.  But men found this really graceful and attractive. Probably caused an erection on these horny sons of... well you know what.

Now you can go to Wikipedia on the link above and cringe as you read the process of how foot is bound. To give you a little excerpt, feet is bound when the girl's feet measure around that ideal length, which is to say around age four. The toes and arch were broken so that they can be pressed tightly towards the heel and wrapped tightly with bandages. If you are like me, you would try to make your toes reach your heel and know that it really, really effing hurts. and I can do no more than just make my feet appear like their pointing. haha

So the toes and arch were broken making gangrene the most common infection on lotus feet women. Toenails, although great care was taken to keep them really short, will tend to cause additional infection because they would often in-grow. So sometimes, toenails were removed altogether. YEAHAY! and since the feet were bound so tightly making circulation poor to non-existent, these injuries never healed so the toes would rot and sometimes fall off. But this was a good thing! no toes means smaller feet! sick-o.

And since falling toes were good, if you are a girl who was unfortunate enough to have fleshy toes, infection was deliberately introduced so that your big, fat ugly toes would fall off. How did they do this? Simple, before they bind the feet with the bandages, they'd insert pieces of broken glass or shards of tiles in the toes so that infection will fester cause the toes to rot and fall off. Ingenious.

So after binding, after the excruciating pain they'd let the little girl endure, she wasn't allowed to just lay there and cry her eyes out or scream with hysterical pain. No, that'll be too kind. The little girl was made to stand up and walk so that it'll encourage her bones to break even further.

After the initial process of feet binding which could take two years usually, you've got a perfectly formed lotus feet.                                                                  
                                                                         Ta-dah!


In the succeeding years, if you are of the extremely rich, your binding would be removed once a day for your feet to be soaked and cleaned and toenails trimmed.

The cleaning process was quite meticulous involving soaking the feet in warm water infused with pomelo leaves, trimming the toenails, the calluses cut away, fragments of bone that stuck out sanded down, smooth away rough spots, feet beaten repeatedly to keep the bones broken and flexible and sprinkling alum in-between toes (if there are any) so that it'll not be infected with fungus and be all stinky and smelly.

According to the book and from what I've learned after my research, these lotus feet were considered extremely erotic. So erotic that there are 48 ways to play with a woman's bound feet during sex, or as what they called it then clouds and rain. These sex instructions are actually listed in the Qing Dynasty sex manuals and my online research failed to lead me to a copy of the pornographic illustrations of these erotic manuals. Tsk... too bad as I was most curious. But I did come across a paragraph from Jim's Asian Studies:

"It was believed that the way foot binding made a woman walk strengthened the vagina and made it more narrow. The girls' buttocks and 'jade gate' were believed to develop to such a degree that she could grip her husbands 'jade spear' more tightly. . . There was also a large number of pornographic paintings and engravings with scenes of men fondling women's feet. It's no wonder that men were so adamant about their wives having bound feet."

 Yes, let us all make our clown feet smaller as to strengthen our vaginal muscles. I think not! thank god we have Kegel exercises today!

But really, Chinese men must be so very kinky! From what I have so far deduced, they play with bound feet by fondling it with their thing or using it to caress their nipples. OH THE HORROR!!!!

Modern interest on the allure of bound feet lead to the production of a soft-porn films by director Li Han-Hsiang. One of which is Golden Lotus. One scene included the male suspending the lotus feet from the grape arbor overhead so the woman looked like a "Golden Dragon Extending its Claws". he then proceeded to have intercourse with her and afterward, throw jade yellow plums at her vajayjay for some kinky fun. When he gets tired of pitching plums at her vadge, he falls asleep. Upon waking up, he takes a yellow plum from he vadge and feeds it to her as an aphrodisiac and proceeds to having sex with her again. How delightful. Oh by the way, just an interesting fact, Jackie Chan plays a bit role here as a pear vendor.

Also in the book Peony in Love, there was a suggestion on one of the ways men used bound feet. This is the doctor talking to the male lead inquiring him why his wife was not yet pregnant even after two years of living as husband and wife.
"Have you been giving her your vital essence? A woman must take this internally to maintain good health. you cannot just spend it between the scented softness of her bound feet"
Unless I am much mistaken, do men of their day jack off with their salamis in between the arches of the bound foot?

The idea is seriously very repulsive. 

So if anybody out there do have the copy of the Qing Dynasty Sex Manual, I'd very much appreciate having a look in it to quench my curiosity. Really, won't anybody be just as curious? 

It is quite disgusting yes, and I marvel at how different our ideas of what is sexy just because we were born in different eras and cultures. Thankfully, feet binding is now prohibited so Chinese girls need not worry about having to experience this kind of Pain for Beauty experience.

But what is even more disgusting and repulsive is the reason behind this practice. It is a prison built to keep women subversive and mere commodities. Playthings of men. I found this site where lotus feet women narrate about their lives as a lotus feet. It's not only Ancient China who has this oppressive attitude towards women. It's like every culture in the past deemed women worthless. SO SICK.

Anyway, on a last note, I leave you with more pictures of bound feet. For your sexual satisfaction.






Sunday, June 5, 2011

Reasons to stop smoking

This was before... I've gone cold turkey now. How did I manage it? Well being lazy has its health benefits.

Want a smoke - no fags in the house. Need to go out. Can't be bothered.
Got fags - no lighter. Have to find one. Can't be bothered.
Have a lighter - can't smoke inside the house. Need to go out. Can't be bothered.
About to light a smoke outside the house - Have to brush my teeth after. Too much effort. Can't be bothered.
Don't mind brushing teeth after a smoke - still have that nasty bitter sweet smell on my fingers. Have to wash several times. can't be bothered.
Don't mind getting the smell off my fingers -  Smoke will still linger on clothes and remind me of boys from bars, yuck. Have to take a shower. Ugh. Can't be bothered.

Well there you go. Plus there's a SIN tax now so cigarettes cost heaps more. I'm thinking of computing how much I saved since I stopped smoking more than 6 months ago... but ugh. Too lazy. Can't be bothered.

Having coffee without ciggies. Yay!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Back to Boracay

I have spent numerous holidays in Boracay since I was in my tweens and I was even lucky enough to work there when I was in college. For more than a year, between the year 2007-2009, I spent almost every weekend in the island that I fondly called my second home. Every Friday, I would stuff my ever loyal laptop, camera, some books and notebooks and lots of bikinis in my 50 liter backpack to spend the weekend in Boracay as if I were just on my way to a classmate's house for some late night brain storming. Imagine a UST CA student, in her uniform, aboard a cargo ship or on a plane, reading her notes in advertising . A sight that looks so much like "stowaway teen".

I always looked forward to these trips not only because the guy I was seeing then (emphasis on past tense!) was from Boracay and their house is that big yellow house right off the cliff in Cagban Pier visible even from Caticlan, but because I fell in love with the ocean, diving, my local and Korean friends, the Ocean Blue Staff and the heat of the clear island sun beating down on my Muro-ami tanned skin and bleached hair.

With Choi (Tabachoi) real name Joon. He was the dive shop's Mafia Lord. :))

With Dive Master Wonsok and Dive Instructor Joon. Joon now owns Ocean Blue but stays in Korea

Alexis AKA Longlong and the muscle man Ariel
 For more than two years, I avoided going back to Boracay. Not because I didn't want to, but because my then boyfriends, feared that I'd get back together with the ex. I kept telling them that recycling is good for the environment but not for boys but I guess I don't strike them as very trustworthy... and duh, he's back in Australia now. Please.

So anyway, I just watched enviously at my friends pictures as they spent their summers and Christmas holidays on my island. On my beach. Under my sun!Thinking to myself that I could have given them a better tour, a local tour, a tour not listed in the guidebooks.

Finally, the inevitable happened. I had to go to back. The longing was so palpable that my heart will burst. I missed diving, I missed the distinct smell of the island. No other island will suffice. No other waters will compare. It was homesickness beyond belief... and to think that it's not really where I grew up... It was just the island where I found myself. The island that liberated me from the stigma that girls who have made mistakes will no longer find love, it rid me of the caste system that is still evident yet taboo in our modern world, it liberated me from all the norms that once held me prisoner.

I made friends with Tricycle drivers and the porters, my best friend was an orphan boy who did construction jobs, I saw working girls (prostitutes) as real people and not just girls to be disgusted at, I made friends with Koreans and we bonded and laughed without having a to communicate through words, I understood a father's love to his daughter, I assumed my responsibility for the environment, I learned what it felt like to dive in neck deep sewer water, I let go of fear and just kept doing what I loved no matter how many times I fell and hurt myself (not only emotionally but physically!) and many, many more. 

The island held so much for me; more than what tourists see in white beach.

Finally, after many tears and sullen fits, my ever understanding partner knew how much I wanted to go.. and so...


May 12, 2011; with only 5000 pesos in hand a piece... my three girlfriends and I made our adventure back to my favorite island!

May 12, 2011. Alimall Bus station Cubao.

  • The Bus left around 9pm... two hours to Batangas.. nothing exciting yet.
  • Arrived in Batangas 5 minutes to 11. The ship is leaving in 5 minutes, next one won't be at 12:30... We bought the tickets and arrived on the ship just in time for it to leave. Unfortunately, there weren't any seats left so the three of us ended up staying in the roof deck with just the stars over our heads. Two hours with the sticky and salty wind blowing in our faces, no lights but the stars and moon overhead and the distant city lights. Bliss!
Me standing in front of the dumpster on the roof deck. We used that as our "couch"

  •  After almost two hours of horsing around with two other youths who weren't able to get a seat inside, the captain announced over PA system that we were getting too noisy and interfering with some navigating activity whatever. LOL! didn't know we were just next to the captain's bridge!
Eljay, Aliza and Camille making a racket while I was trying to shoot a jumpshot. The captain's bridge is that white room at the back.
  •  We arrived in Calapan around 1 am and we thought we were lucky that we bought our van tickets at the port. Lucky my ass. all ticket holders were made to squeeze in one van because other vans were from a different operator. There were more than 20 of us! lucky that we were all girls with really surly "do-not-fucking-cross-me" faces so we got better seats. The driver even had the nerve to ask me to sit Camille on my lap. I was outraged! so four hours of squeezing together as we drove through the bumpy unpaved road to Roxas...... no pictures here. obviously
  • We arrived in Roxas at almost 5 am and the porter informed us that the ship just left a couple minutes ago. Next one won't be at ten am. Seriously?
  • Turns out he was serious... so here we got about a million photos. Here are some of my favorites.


Classic jumpshots done when you've taken all scenery pictures and just need to pass the time

you can see how truly happy we are just doing this.. LOL

the boatman, I guess felt sorry for us and invited us to take a picture on the motorboat.

I wanted to capture the sunrise behind Ally... but then the crazy girl started to run towards me!




Mean Girls II surprised face

Made friends with the porters. I reckoned we looked like co-workers! cute!
  •  The porters took to us and allowed us to board the ship before anyone else. We got to sit in first class even though we didn't have a car with us! the ship left at about 11am. thats 10am filipino time.
first class! yeahay!

  • The trip usually takes just 4 hours, but because there were other ships docked on the pier, we stayed at sea for almost 1 hour just staring at crocodile island and then after an hour, at Cagban Pier. this was when frustration really set in...
Camille's sour face.. Ally sleeping in the background.

Super fake Happy Face.

Finally after more than 6hours from Roxas to Caticlan, we arrived in the island at 5 pm. But all is well that ends well!

the Island is way different with all the big hotels and stuff, and the pier is bigger plus Ocean Blue is now in Station 1. The Shoreline is continually receding, and Station 2 water smells like the sewer, seaweed is piling up everywhere. But some area's remain the same. Some things are still reliable. And these are what I call: Friends!

With Jack! My best friend on the island!
Jack was on top of this billboard when I came looking for him at the pier. He said he was so excited his first instinct was to jump and hug me... and then he realized how high up he was. LOL

With Ariel... notice how big I got... not taller but wider. compare it to our previous picture.

Laughing around with Bobot, another dive master at Ocean Blue.

So excited to dive again!
Horsing around after my dive and Camille and Ally's snorkeling.

We had a blast albeit being really low on funds. I miss the island already! Can't wait to be back hopefully within the year, or if not, maybe early next year!

See you Boracay my love!
playing Frisbee with one of the locals.



P/S we made friends with the "ship boys" on the way home. Actually Ally did, so they let us stay in their cabin and even insisted we stay at the captain's bridge so we are as comfortable as possible. LOL!

Jay, Ally, Camille and I in the officers cabin

At the captain's bridge!! yew!



Shameless plug. If you are looking for a cheap place to stay in Boracay, please post me a comment here and I can book you in Casa Sta Fe. it's an apartment and each room has a private hot shower.

Amenities are: all rooms have A/C and there is a kitchen upstairs that anyone can use. Anyone can use the grill and front lawn if you want to just chill and have drinks there.
 
Manang Alice is really nice as well as Jay and Ernie the houseboys. They will make sure you are taken cared of. From checking if you need fresh towels to hot coffee every morning and she will even cook you a mean sinigang! Casa Sta. Fe is located in Station 1 near One real Maris... in the eskenita near Starbucks.

Php 1500/night during high season.

and if you want to dive, please go to Ocean Blue Dive Shop!

Monday, May 9, 2011

When recycling goes too far

I was talking to my partner about what Filos call “kanin baboy” a Filipino term that doesn’t have a direct English Translation because I am assuming that first world countries do not feed pigs such nasty food. Oh wait, I think its pig slop. Kanin Baboy is fed to homegrown pigs. It is a mixture of leftovers that a local pig owner collects from house to house. These are not your usual leftovers, in fact, some may even be so spoiled that they are breeding with maggots. FUCKING GROSS. You usually see these home-bred pigs in slums or in provincial areas. I don’t know if eating such disgusting rotting spoiled food negatively affects pigs but it does sound really gross. So I asked him:
“If pigs eat leftovers, does that mean it eats pork as well? that’s fucking silence of the pigs…”

He said they do so I was thinking maybe it would have adverse effects like diseases or something. I couldn’t find any information on the net, what I did learn was something way grosser than kanin baboy…
Goa is a state in India popular for its coastal areas. The beaches, churches and temples are what attracts local tourists in the summer and hordes of foreign tourists in the winter. Goa has lots Portuguese influence thanks to 450 years of colonization so its different from the rest of India, architecturally as well as culturally, which is mostly British inspired.

Other than the amazing coastal attraction, Goan food is also famous for its elaborate fish recipes. The staple of Goa is Fish Curry. But when it comes to special occasions, Goans roll out a feast of Vindaloo, Xacuti and Sorpotel, dishes made from pork.
Another food essential is the spicy Goan sausages. These spice-rich Portuguese inspired sausages  can keep for 8 months and a must-have in every Goan pantry, a perfect last minute special ingredient that is added to dishes for unexpected special meals, like when unexpected company arrives.

According to those who have tasted Goan sausages, they are bursting with flavor and has a little tang.

I am big foodie and I have always considered myself to be not squeamish at all. I eat really strange foods like insects, worms, internal organs, etc. Weird even for a Filipino (we are known to eat really exotic animals and even animal parts) with the exception of domesticated pets, because, what the hell, I have three Labrador Retrievers and they are family.
The reason I’m talking about such is because of the way Goan’s feed their pigs. Here is an
excerpt from Wikipedia: 
A pig toilet is a simple type of toilet consisting of an outhouse mounted over a pig sty with a chute or hole connecting the two.The pigs consume the faeces of the users of the toilet. They are mainly found in the Indian state of Goa, and are waning in popularity.The subsequent use of the pigs for food carries a significant risk for human health

Gross? Now here’s a photo.



Some tourists who have tried relieving themselves in these highly ingenius toilet confess how uncomfortable it is to do your on private business whilst feeling the eager pigs hot breath on your behind. Some of them did not have the slightest idea that their excrement will serve as a hot meal for the pigs. As they head to the toilet, they see these swines just below the room and did not think twice of their purpose there as pigs roaming free or housed in the most unusual places are not uncommon in India. As they approach the entrance, the pigs would start to get excited. Inside the room is a long stick near the squatting area.


(mental picture of a dude squatting for a shit and a pig’s snout excitedly awaiting for a fresh turd to drop. LOL)

Now you may wonder what the stick is for. Apparently, the pig/s get so excited for their juicy meal that they do have the tendency to attack. Don’t be too kind and be such an animal lover if this does happen because these pigs are vicious. Really dangerous, there was an incident that a German tourist who refused to slap the pig’s snout with the stick was rushed to the hospital because the hungry pig attacked and took a chunk from his behind…. EEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew.

How in hell can you take a dump if you can hear the excited snorts behind you and feel the hot panting breath on your ass AND KNOW that there is an excited animal ready to grab a bite from your ass with its 44 teeth at anytime??? tell me because I cannot fully wrap my head around this! And if you have taken a dump in these things, they say that it is not uncommon to have fat, healthy turd drop and settle on the pig’s snout! *squirming in disgust*

And okay, given that you have already taken a dump, how can some people eat these pork dishes knowing that the animal you they are eating was fed a diet of various people’s dirty, nasty, stinking SHIT??? Call me culturally ignorant or culturally discriminating but this form of recycling is too extreme for me.

And what happens to the pig’s shit? he has to shit sometime too, right? I asked my partner.
“It probably eats it too… defeats the purpose if it doesn’t.”
My stomach is in knots. This is really just too much. And get this, “pig toilet’s” meat are priced above any other meat. Some tourists were highly put off having fed a feast of pork and taking a dump and learning about this really extreme Goan tradition and that they were served these “shit eating pigs”.

*shudders*

It is said that this Goan tradition is dying out in most parts of Goa but still kinda popular in Arambol ( a place in Goa). I’d like to say its a good thing because, honestly, I find it really gross despite being an exotic foodie and a true advocate of environment preservation.

If ever I set foot in Goa, I’m not touching any pork. According to one chef who went to Goa to learn and start making the prized Goan Sausages
“Together we went around looking for farm breed pigs instead of the local ones, and did find a few but were put off as there were no enforceable systems to safe guard the public, and here I’m talking of the tourist as locals are used to eating these foods and don’t get ill. “
I don’t know how accurate this information is but feel free to educate me. I’d love to hear that there is a regulation on the meat quality and cleanliness like a Bureau of Food and Drug or a Health department. There are Goan Sausages that are made in UK.. maybe I’ll try those, but with a  cringe on my face because I cannot get the idea of what real Goan Sausages are made from.

*shudders again*

I found this video on youtube. It is about this BBC journalist shitting in one of the pig toilets… ENJOY! Please leave your comments.


Goan Pig Toilet-actual video



Wednesday, April 27, 2011

The Importance of Punctuations

Randomly I just remembered this story about the proper use of punctuations. I'll alter the story and make it more dramatic since I can't fully remember how it goes. The ending will be the same though, that's the only part I can really remember... but the thought and moral will still be the same, so here goes....


There was a boy and a girl who were friends since they were toddlers. They became awfully close over the years; in fact, they became the best of friends. They had a very intimate affection for each other but they failed to realize that it was love. Or perhaps one knew what the feeling was but was scared of taking the chance and crossing the line between friendship and romance.


Years passed and the two graduated from school. The guy got a job overseas which he readily accepted. Girl and boy kept constant contact with each other through letters and phone calls. And through their written correspondence were they able to realize and confess how much they loved each other... 

but alas! too late! months or even years have passed and soon the girl's parents had her betrothed to someone else (must have been Chinese to have arranged marriage... hmm?)

The girl tearfully wrote the guy:

My parents have betrothed me to a man that I do not love... I do not want to marry him. It is only you that I can imagine growing old with. I want to know if you can defend my decision from the wrath of my parents, because I am intent to decline. Please let me know if I should wait for you or if you think that our love is only possible on paper. I need your reply as soon as possible.

The guy replied and hurriedly packed his bags and was on the next flight home. He was so keen to stop the marriage!

Oh but how terrible the fates are! He arrived too late! the girl and the new guy was already married!

"Why didn't you wait for me!" he cried.

Tearfully, the girl extracted the boy's letter from the folds of her skirt.


WTF! the eejit did not punctuate! SO there you go! always remember to punctuate your sentences correctly or you will lose someone you love!!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Gyaru and Ulzzang made me realize how the Philippines is still a colony

Today I was browsing through the online shops in Facebook looking for floral dresses and romantically bohemian inspired looks. I wrote for an Aussie Fashion Blog (http://rarepremiere.rare.li) from January up till the runway seasons of New York Fashion Week, London Fashion Week, Paris Fashion Week, etc so I became extra aware of the Fashion trends.

Now, my boss, she sent me all these magazines to grab photos from. Like Vogue, Elle, Tatler, Marie Claire, Cosmo etc. I was tasked to write something about D&G going retro and I fell head over heels inlove with D&G's SS 2011 Campaign. Tell me you don't think these are gorgeous!? If this doesn't scream SPRING-SUMMER i dunno what does.

Trends for SS have always been frisky, fun and full of color but this year, the florals are just so much more funner-est (notice the redundancy for emphasis!)

So anywhoooots... there I was browsing and browsing looking for clothes that were similar to these trends from the D&G S/S 2011 Campaign when I came across some dresses which were just so uber pretty.





 And I thought that they'd look really good on me (ehem! narcissism...) since I just got my hair permed... (--,)

I saw somewhere that this was called "Gyaru"...

I googled "Gyaru Fashion" and this is what I found out. Gyaru literally means gal and there are different types of Gyaru, like:

Ganguro: fake tan and bleached hair. I couldn't imagine myself in this look its cute but super costume-y
Hime-Gyaru: princess-y fashion with lots of princess blonde hair, and frills, pleats, ruffles, lace and chiffon on clothes. I think this one has the best fashion among all Gyarus.
Then there's the normal Gyaru like the cute-sy one on the left which basically any girl could pull off. There are other kinds but these are the most prominent types.


I kinda got confused with Korean Ulzzang, Ulzzang literally means "best-face" and thought they kinda looked the same... there are differences and a Gyaru will be affronted to be called an Ulzzang and vice versa. For the life of me I cannot tell much of the difference except maybe that Ulzzangs don't really go all out on the Barbie look.. check this post to see for yourself. But anyhow, I reckon both looks are aimed to appear Doll-like.

So then I came to a conclusion that Korean and Japs have a love-hate relationship being that Japan colonized Korea a while back and ravished their land and their ladies as they did the Philippines. Here's an excerpt from Wikipedia:

In 1910 Japan effectively annexed Korea by the Japan-Korea Annexation Treaty. While the legality of the treaty is still asserted by Japan, it is generally not accepted in Korea because it was not signed by the Emperor of Korea as required and violated international convention on external pressures regarding treaties...
 ...After the annexation, Japan set out to repress all Korean tradition and culture, develop and implement reforms for their benefit. European-styled transport and communication networks were established across the nation in order to extract the resources and labor of the Korean people; these networks were almost all destroyed later during the Korean War. The banking system was consolidated and the Korean currency abolished. The Japanese removed the Joseon hierarchy, destroyed the palace of Gyeongbokgung and replaced it with office buildings.
 But, even though the Japanese soldiers then (emphasis on then because I'm not referring to present Japanese) shat and crapped on their country, their practices and culture now are so infused with Japanese that they kinda love them too. That is why Gyaru and Ulzzang is so similar because I think that Ulzzang is kind of a spin off of the Gyaru fashion.

Gyaru started in the 80s and Ulzzang came into fashion later, like around 2000 I guess. It is even said that Ulzzang follows the Himegyaru style. So as not to say "copied" and risk offending die-hard Ullzzangs, I'll settle for the word "patterned. fuck it still means copied. LOL.

So in a way, Koreans, maybe subconsciously is still trying to "turna japanisa" even though many of them hate being confused with the race. (Isn't it annoying for non-East Asians to confuse specific races?)

It will be kind of hard to understand if you don't live in a country that have been colonized "crappily" before. But since I'm from the Philippines I can totally relate to the love-hate relationship. We were colonized by the Spaniards for 300 years and then the Americans, and we've got a lot of Chinese here.. 

Now even though Filipinos have been so dead proud of their race lately many still cannot help highlighting their Spanish or Chinese descent, even if its only like 1/100 left on their blood. Like if they have a last name such as Zaragoza or Vergel de Dios they'd be like "My grandparents were Spanish", or if they're chinky eyed or have last names like "Lim", "Sy" or whatever they'd immediately identify themselves to be close of kin to well-known Chinoy business tycoons or politicians or just say that their some parts Chinese. 

And if your from the Philos, for sure you'd have met these people I am referring to, the pseudo half-Chinese, Half-Spanish, half-Filipino... huh? so that makes you One and a half? What the fuck? You're FILIPINO. No need to break down your blood line. It's really annoying... colonial mentality sucks.

And it all started with floral dresses.