Saturday, October 1, 2011

Bestiality in Harry Potter

This has bothered me for ages, ever since it was confirmed in the fourth book "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" that Rubeus Hagrid was indeed half-giant. I have tried to not be disgusted at this concept of human and non-human interbreeding for more than a decade now but reading the series for the Nth time, it is with great difficulty that I restrain my imagination from being too unpleasantly graphic.

I don't want to come across like Dolores Umbridge because I don't loath or even dislike, in the slightest bit, part humans. Please don't get the idea that I find part humans second class. A person's character should not, after all, be judged based on where he comes from but rather, to where he is going.

It's sort of the same as what Dumbly-dorr told Harry, that it's not really our abilities that show who we truly are but our choices.

They didn't choose to be spawns of bestiality, right? It's not really their fault is it, that their parents were too sexually "adventurous"?

So my concern is really the fornicators. Wtf, fornicators. Hahaha!

Call me close-minded or whatever but when you come to think of it, it is a very taboo sort of subject, no?

What do you reckon goes through the mind of a human having carnal knowledge of a Goblin? Is it love? Lust? Insanity?

Of course I don't think all human-magical creature/being interbreeding is detestable. There are some exceptions... One is Fleur Delacour who is part veela. She is descended from a veela,her grandmother being one ("an 'air from ze 'eed of a veela, one of my grandmuzzer's")and I don't reckon anyone would object to having sexual relations with a veela in their ridiculously gorgeous human form (they turn to bird-like creatures when angered)...

However, much as I want to be non-judgmental, I find the idea of interbreeding with other
creatures/ beings more than just a little appalling.

Giants and goblins for example, I mean, really? Would you have sex with Griphook or Grawp?


To make clear what I'm getting at, let us delve deeper into Hagrid's parentage....

The giants' massive size, in itself, a rather large (pun not intended) factor that would make sexual relations close to impossible. If by giant standard, Grawp was small at 16 feet and his feet were said to be as large as sledges, imagine their genital organs!!!

The giant male must have a penis that is two feet long and with a girth equal to car tires. Sweet bajeezus!! And in Hagrid's mum's case, her vagina must be, what? As big as a home satellite dish. Hagrid's dad would be one lover who won't have any problem finding her clitoris that's for sure.

Add to that their strangely misshapen appearance.

JK's version of Giants are not merely large sized human beings in appearance as evident in the description in the fifth book.

Grawp is described as strangely misshapen, with a large, almost perfectly round head that was disproportionate with his body and which resembled a great big mossy boulder owing to his very tight curls which are the color of bracken (a large coarse fern).

Grawp is also said to have little to no neck. How very attractive.

If we consider the fact that apples will never bear oranges, I don't reckon Hagrid's mum, Fridwulfa, looked anything like the the giantess in Ella Enchanted (Heidi Klum).

So our parents taught us not to judge by appearance alone, right? So as to save myself from sounding extremely superficial, let me consider their lifestyle.

Giants are described to be, for lack of a better word, savage.

Of course there might be some exceptions but I don't think living in the wild could make any giant clean per normal standards. And by normal I mean observing basic hygiene, like brushing their teeth or taking regular baths or showers. Imagine having sex with a "clean" bear.


I could go on and on but I'd rather not.

My imagination is running wild and it is not very pleasant. Urgh.

So to save myself from more unpleasant thoughts, I would rather not get into the subject of Flitwick's parentage... He is speculated to be half- goblin. Goblin!!!!!

And Parvati!! Flirting with Firenze? I know he is gorgeous and all but he still has the lower body of a horse.

Oh well... But to be fair..... I'd rather have sex with a gorgeous Centaur than those donkeys the girls in Mexico take up with.

At least Centaurs are intelligent beings....



But maybe ONLY if I absolutely have to. Like if my life depended on it.
But... still... The body of a horse? Hmmm....

What do you think?



Aberforth Dumbledore was said to have a strange fondness for goats, in fact, his favorite story was "Grumble the Grubby Goat" and his patronus took the form of a goat. Every time Aberforth was mentioned in any Harry Potter book, you could almost always be sure that a goat joke will follow. Such as the Hog's Head always smelled strongly of what might have been goats.

The most significant mention of Aberforth and his fondness for goat's was n the Goblet of Fire. Albus said his brother caused a minor scandal when he was prosecuted by the Wizengamot for using "inappropriate charms on a goat".

During an interview in Carnegie Hall, someone asked JKR what these "inappropriate charms were, JK buries her head amidst laughter from the press.

JKR: how old are you?


JKR: I think he was trying to make a goat that was easy to keep clean (laughter), curly horns. That's a joke that works on a couple of levels. I really like Aberforth and his goats. But you know Aberforth having this strange fondness for goats if you have read book 7, came in very useful for Harry, later on, because a goat, a stag, you know.  If you're a stupid Death Eater, What's the difference. So that's my answer to YOU.

I guess this is open to interpretation...

And might I add the possibility that Umbridge was gang-raped by a herd of centaurs? She appeared unscathed but she was in real shock after her trip to the forbidden forest. It was said that nobody really knew what happened to her after she was carried off but centaurs are notorious rapists based on mythology, and JK is someone who does know her mythology very well.

I have a very strong feeling that JK has this sick humor about bestiality. AH! Oh well... To each her own!


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